Once upon a time, an adorable little girl (who also resembles a male Campbell soup kid) is taking an afternoon ride on her bike. Her bike is fully equipped with a METAL bell to alert pedestrians of her arrival and a basket for her favorite Popple toy. Something a little like this..Since I am 100% sure that no one (except maybe Jam) remembers what Popples are, here is a brief description.”Popples were a part of cartoon show in the late 80’s. They were small, cuddly creatures with pouches, and the show was about their adventures with Bonnie and Billy, two kids. They were the only people who knew about the Popples.”
And picture (notice the pure delight on these faces):Back to the story: Imagine, said child, riding bike on a glorious summer day when she crosses paths with little demon child eyeing beloved Popple.Like an old lady whose purse has been robbed in a typical 90’s sitcom, demon child takes off with the Popple. In turn, innocent child hops on bike and immediately turns into incredible speed racer.This high-speed chase results in a horrific accident that looks a little something like this (aka chin sliced open on God forsaken METAL bell)After this terrible accident, the little girl’s Popple mysteriously turns back up.But not before a trip to the emergency room and
5,000 15 stitches in chin. (this is kind of how it went down, except that needle was coming straight at the little girl’s face as she LITERALLY screamed “Someone put me to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!!” and “Just kill me nowwwwwww”)
Aside from retrieving her belongings and making a full recovery, the story ends happily as the little girl receives Winston, a new stuffed animal, (I know, slightly odd obsession with plush animals) whom she promises to cherish forever.. ………..Or until her nephew inherits Winston, 20 years later, and ninja punts him across this preschool classroom.
Anyways, I don’t know why I always feel compelled to tell this story but there you have it, with accurate imagery to follow along.
True story. My cousin Shana (assailant) and me (casualty)..
In other news. It’s the freakin’ weekend!! Post as many InstaGrammys as you can this weekend people. Can I getta Hallelujah Holllabackkk??